


Just Gone

by TWDObsessive



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 06:45:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16550906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive
Summary: Daryl’s stream of consciousness as he watched the bridge burn and contemplates the loss of Rick.





	Just Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to lotr58 for everything, always. Including beta’ing this little one-shot

I felt the explosion in my chest — the fire and smoke filling my eyes, my lungs, the sound ringing in my ears. And it felt like I was ripped in half. I saw Rick standing there, his stance firm despite his injury, his python cocked, and I knew what he was planning. He was planning on going out, planning on protecting us one last time. I could see the gut wound from my spot in the woods. Blood was pouring out of him and he knew it. And then a gunshot that echoed forever and the explosion and he was gone. Just gone.

I watched the bridge as it was engulfed in flames, stunned, trying to make sense of what I just witnessed. Rick. Rick fucking Grimes. How could the world keep spinning without him on it? I looked beside me, for what, I didn’t know...maybe for Rick. My eyes welled with tears as I pictured him just hours before in the pit. I pretty much told him...in my own way. Told him I’d die for him and I meant it and dying for someone is the biggest proof of love there is in this world. And I love him...loved. I’d have died for Rick and I wish I had. The way he looked at me in those last moments. That small smile, those fierce eyes. I knew what he was trying to say to me, just like I always did. He was leaving with his heart full of love for me. It was what I’d always wanted to hear.

I have nothing. No children, no significant other, no meaning except to protect my family and I’d have died ten times over for all of them. They were all my family. Glenn. Beth. Hershel. Fucking Carl. Why am I always left standing alone, watching families shatter? Take me. Please, God. You’re taking the _wrong_ people.

And yet it was all on me. I acted out in that clearing and got Glenn killed. I was there with Beth and I couldn’t protect her. I told Carl not to fire on the Governor and Hershel died. And here again with Rick. I brought him out to that spot in the woods and I _left_ him. How can I live with myself? The guilt was like a block of cement in a deep river. I was overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow, drowning in it.

I took a deep breath, my eyes still burning from tears and smoke. My life had been upended in a matter of seconds. I’d followed Rick since the quarry. Since the farm, the prison. We’d been through the Claimers, the Termites, The wolves, the great war. And we got through it all together, saving one another’s lives more than I could count. It was always me and Rick. Always. 

My legs were shaky and weak and I sat down against a tree trunk. I didn’t want to see anyone else yet. I had to shake off the tears first and there was no end of them in sight. I let myself cry. I’d never have that strong of a friendship again. He was my _brother_. He was my everything. And I sat there wondering if I had regrets that I never told him with words how important he was to me. But I know he knew. He knew my heart better than I did. He knew my soul.

I heard a shuffle of leaves and turned half-heartedly, expecting to be face to face with a walker and hoping to God that it wouldn’t be Rick’s aimless, reanimated body. I’m pretty sure if it was, I’d have let him take me. But it was, of all things, a dog. Mangy mutt without a collar. He came closer and I put a hand out. 

“Hey boy. You looking for a friend?”

The dog came closer, sniffing as he approached cautiously, and I noticed dark blue soulful eyes looking just as sad as I felt. He sat down next to me and rested his chin on my knee. We sat together in silence for several long minutes, both watching the rising flames on the fallen bridge, the flaming walkers falling into the raging creek below.

“I loved him, ya know,” I said as I rubbed the stray’s head. “Every time he put a hand on me or held my gaze he made me feel alive in this dead world.”

The dog held Daryl’s gaze, almost nodding in understanding. “I almost kissed him once. Almost. It was the day before he slept with Michonne for the first time. I wonder if he’d have wanted to reciprocate if I had.”

The dog whined in sympathy.

“We were standing so close, looking out into a field after Jesus took our truck. Not a cloud in the sky. I can’t even remember what we were talking about but I remember when we stopped and shared a glance. There was more in his eyes and if I ever had the chance it was then.”

Suddenly, as I sat by the burning bridge, I realized I’d never feel his touch again, never see those eyes. The sound of ‘never’ weighed heavy on my heart and a new round of tears started to trail down my cheeks. The pup started to lick at my hand, trying his best to console me. 

I let myself sob, choking on tears, hands fisted into my eyes. I had no idea how much time had passed when I finally stopped, run dry. The sun was setting, the smoke clearing and it was simply time to go back home, but without Rick I felt like I had no home. I stood and started to walk towards Alexandria thinking that I needed to be with Judith. As I walked, the mutt followed me eagerly. I reached down to ruffle his fur and realized that under all that long hair there was a collar after all. I knelt down and looked at the faded blue tag. The name scrawled across it was Mavrick, but the MAV was scratched and faded. If you were to look at it quickly it looked like it just read Rick.

“Come with me, Maverick,” I said. “It’s not the kind of world to be alone in.”

**Author's Note:**

> Saddest moment in TV history was watching Daryl cry here.


End file.
